perlu ke tajuk?

penatnya hari ni..............

aku tau hari ni akan jadi x best dari awal lagi, sebab firstly aku terlepas subuh, semua jadi x kena, keluar rumah tertinggal phone, pergi bank 4,5,6,7 kali. plan nak mop rumah and lipat baju x jadi, sorang member buat kite rasa kecik hati, sekarang dok rumah sorang sorang rasa sunyi.

Teringat borak dengan kawan, die kata family die besar susah nak kumpul semua, tapi sgt close, walaupun masing masing banyak komitmen kawan, kerja, usrah, etc etc, tapi xde pulak rasa distant amongst family member.

then aku teringat sorang kawan cakap pasal keberkatan. huraian die macam ni, bile kite kejar akhirat and cinta ALLAH, ALLAH akan memelihara kita, memberi berkat dan rahmat. so aku macam nak cipta satu doa,

" Ya ALLAH, aku mohon keberkatan dalam setiap saat dalam hidup aku, bantulah aku dalam cita-cita dan impianku demiMU, walau sesibuk mana aku dalam urusan kerjaya ku, bantulah aku untuk memberi masa, kudrat, wang, kasih sayang dan perhatianku untuk ibu bapaku, adik beradikku, nenek nenekku, makcik dan pakcikku, sepupu sepupu ku, kaum kerabatku, sahabat sahabat ku, jiran-jiran ku, dan insyaallah, adik adik ipar ku, anak-anak saudara ku, dan seterusnya suami, anak anak, mertua, ipar duai, kaum kerabat baru dan diriku sendiri, Semoga hubungan kita, semakin hari semakin intim,aku mohon walau apa pun terjadi, pelihara cintaku terhadapmu"

sebab aku rasa, macam kes kawan aku yang aku cerita tu, mungkin sebab allah memberkati keluarga mereka, walaupun jarang jumpa, tapi hubungan kekeluargaan tetap utuh, dan aku kagum.

aku pernah rasa puas sangat bila aku kerja bersungguh sungguh, tapi pada masa yang sama aku dapat attend keduri kahwin and dapat spend time dgn keluarga,sedara and sahabat dan ziarah org sakit dan bile dapat accomplish banyak to do list dalam masa yang singkat. aku rasa itulah keberkatan masa.

dan hari ni, macam x berapa nk best sangat, tapi ada few good things that happened today:

- dapat makan nasi lemak best kt sg merap dgn ayahsu, suhail and Aisha
- check in ticket untuk family balik Malaysia
- transfer duit (yg ni paling mencabar)
 apa pun aku cuba sehabis baik to make today better than yesterday, tapi macam x pulak,wallahualam. semua pun insyaallah ada hikmahnya. tapi rasa x best sebab start hari dengan subuh gajah dan zuhur dinosaur.

semoga esok lebih baik. ameen ya rabb.

Ujian

Lamanya tak blogging!! Post yang terbaru pun pendek je, sebenarnya masa tu tengah semangat nak update blog, tapi came across few posts while blogwalking, terus tawar hati nak cakap banyak2. Sekarang tengah belajar untuk diam dan buat kerja. Tapi hari ni nak share something that i feel that i have to :

Alhamdulillah, praise be to Allah, The Creator of me, my family, friends, colleagues, and the whole universe. Praise be upon Him, for He is the reason we are here, thus the purpose of everything is to submit to ALLAH. If someone is stalking me, knows every single bit of my life and she has to make dua to Allah, on behalf of me, 95% of the doa, would be words of gratitude. Thank you ALLAH.

Life has been smooth for me as far as i can remember. Even during my freshman year as a pharmacist, i have to admit, it was not that bad as compared to my friends. Listening to what my colleagues have gone through on and on, makes me wonder and i asked my mum ;

" Umi,we know that ALLAH tests those whom He loves and ALLAH considers HIS servants capabilities before testing them. I don't feel that i am being tested, because things has been very smooth for me as compared to my friends, i wonder why"

I guess i have been listening and reading to so many "luahan hati" sessions regarding work( mostly since it was our first year of working) at the same time listening to so many words of wisdom to motivate them such as " ALLAH loves you more that He tests you", " This is what great people has to face" etc etc etc...that somehow i envy them.

Those thoughts and feelings went on about a week, when one lovely evening after friday lunch call, at UNIKEB,  i received a phone call, ( i think it was december 2011)

" Shifaa, 22 Oktober, ada salah bagi ubat" - That is when the whole world starts spinning.....

After 2 months, a patient came back shouting angrily at the pharmacy complaining that he was dispensed with wrong medication by me. It was a serious mistake, serious enough that the patient complained to the specialist, asking the doctor to refer him to other hospital, serious enough that i pray for his health day and night.And i can't tell you more about it......

That was the worst thing that ever happened to me and i hope that is only it. I was devastated that i spent most days at work crying in the toilet, later bursting into tears all the way back home, and at home.

but i finally gained control after what my parents said to me :

abah : Shifaa, if you keep on crying, that means you are not pleased (redha) with ALLAH. A servant of ALLAH may feel sad for what happened but must accept the fact that, what happen had happened and there is nothing that you can change, so move on, and try your best not to repeat the same mistake. That is a sign of redha.

umi : Shifaa, i recalled that lately you keep on telling me that you don't feel that you are tested....be careful with what you wish for.

ASTAGHFIRULLAH.........

Forgive me ALLAH, for being so arrogant and snobbish, thinking that i am not being tested. Because ALLAH tests his servants in many different ways, and that includes, comfort, ease, wealth. The harder part is because, it is easy to forget that it's a test. ASTAGHFIRULLAH......

To whoever reading this, i am sorry if i once envied you. I had already realized few years back, after the incident; that it is such an inappropriate feeling. wallahualam.

diam lebih baik

Just for the record so that nothing left unwritten?

No,

Some things are meant to be unwritten.

alhamdulillah

This post is totally about me, not my thoughts.

It has been 2 months, since i last post and also since i resigned from being the government servant and now working as a residence pharmacist in a community setting. So :-

1. Most people will ask me, " is it that bad, that you resign?"," tak best eh?" , "Gaji sikit ke?", " stress ke?". None of them are true. Alhamdulillah, i consider myself lucky as working in Hospital had been great for me, i was lucky to be surrounded by good team. Yeah once in a while, i get this what's called 'Monday Blues', somehow i always feel content and satisfied, be it in Outpatient department, or even Store. When i was in Outpatient Department, i enjoyed the very bit of everything, from screening, filling, dispensing, handling UMP 1 Malaysia. Well maybe i was lucky not to be put in charge of 5S. Dispensing is what i enjoyed most, especially during Ramadhan. I feel like crying to most of the patient that i dispense, appreciating how GREAT ALLAH is. I am inspired, most of the time. There were once when i was so stressed with my unprepared research presentation, i just DISPENSE. Dispensing made me so focused towards other people rather then me, and managed to make me realize how small my problem is.

2. As for Store, a totally different environment. Here, i am inspired by the people working in store. What i learn most when i was in store, apart from the bigger picture of running a pharmacy department, purchasing, etc ; is being good, nice, thoughtful, generous and efficient person. I also made a promise to myself to try my best to take everybody seriously.

3. Now, working in retail pharmacy, A WHOLE NEW EXPERIENCE. It is not that there was no job satisfaction, but here what i get is DIRECT JOB SATISFACTION. Maybe because, i am  in charge of customers ONLY, so i can focus. Maybe if i have to handle stocks, purchasing etc, it is a different story. Well, it has been only 2 months, but it is a life changing decision, in fact i felt that it is also a personality changing decision.

It is quite challenging to handle customers, convince them or tame them. haha. Sometimes, they are being rude, snobbish, and just difficult.They can just make you cry. " Sabar" " Patience" was the words that my colleagues will whisper to me when they know that i may get on my nerve. There were once, i was serving one customer who were asking so many questions and didn't even bother to listen to my answer, then my boss write down a note on a piece of paper saying " Test Kesabaran" and passed it to me. Suddenly, i feel like laughing and i just "layankan je customer tu"

One of my biggest personal achievement was when i got a scolding from my dad. Usually, i will get upset and pull out a face and just be 'silent'. But, i remained really calm (not forced, seriously), and i just managed to ignore my feeling, and i tried to justify why my dad got mad. After that, he said sorry to me, heheh. It was great. I hope i can maintain that. Pray for me.

Anyway, what i  planned to write was actually, other satisfaction that i find after making this life changing decision:

1) Managed to do laundry on a daily basis, so tak ada kain membukit!
2) More frequent morning jogs
3) Able to do more house chores compared to before.Today i cleaned my brother's bathroom.Yay!
4) More quality time with my family, i am able to see my brother and sister going to school
5) Better commitment with friends i supposed, as we meet on a weekly basis.

Yeah, alhamdulillah

ALL PRAISE TO ALLAH..HELP ME TO BE ALLAH CENTERED, THROUGHOUT MY LIFE. -It's a dua, amin ya rabb.

Potpouri of thoughts

1. Sambal Belacan, Tempoyak, Pucuk Paku Masak Lemak and Sambal Tempe : drools~

It was my lunch menu with Tok Umi at PKNS Bangi's food court. Too bad for Tok Umi having such granddaughter who doesn't cook. As i was enjoying my meal, apart from the fact that i don't talk when i actually eat and munch, my eyes were fixed to one of the stall in the food court. It's a noodle stall where they sell only noodles which also includes Sizzling Yee Mee cooked with beef and mushroom- drools~ What caught my eyes was, there were 3 staff and a child. A husband and a pregnant wife (that makes 2), one lady at the back who was washing the dishes and one cute boy running around from stall to stall making people laugh. I don't know if it is just me or not, but i noticed that the husband was eating Nasi Goreng while the pregnant wife was cooking and preparing order for the customers, the other lady - still washing dishes. Then as soon the the husband finishes his meal, his wife took turn to rest. She had her lunch at the counter and later the son came back feeling sleepy, so she cradled her son to sleep while taking orders.They looked so happy and content! 

" Tok Umi, diorang mesti tak pernah cuti kan? kalau cuti duit tak masuk, mana ada food court tutup kan" as soon as i have cleared my plate. 

2. Another quiet day, as i parked my car and walked along the shop lots on Saturday Morning. It was 10.15 am. Actually, i was on my way to work. It was a quiet morning, but the workshop was opened and i saw they were busy fixing motorbikes and cars at the roadside. Then i saw a haggard looking man unloading ice packs to the restaurants; One shabby looking aunty with a husband in the lorry waiting for her to take unused boxes from the shops. Being in a vacation mood, I was actually imagining myself as a traveler as i walked towards the shop that i work. 'What in the world was i thinking?!' because i was impressed with the daily activities that is happening around me. I was inspired to see their determination, and as a traveler, i would go back to my homeland and tell stories to my friends and family of what i see. Without them, this town will be dead! They didn't realize that just by doing their daily chores and not taking holidays they might actually serving people who are on holiday, or at least in a holiday mood like me!

3. I was with my friend on our way back from a wedding, we were in a heavy traffic. 

Me : " Eh ko pernah tak terfikir, aku ada cerita aku, ko ada cerita ko, then setiap orang dalam kereta kat atas jalan raya ni, ada cerita masing masing. hebat kan. Ini baru kat jalan raya ni, belum cerita pasal negara atau satu dunia. Every single soul has their own story of their life, problems and how they overcome them, inspiring and life changing moments that happened to them or that they came across. They are actually tailored by ALLAH, The Magnificent. EVERY SINGLE LIVING SOUL. Not mentioning of the dead ones"

Friend : " A ah hebat kan. apa yang lagi hebat, macam mana sebenarnya setiap satu cerita itu berkait antara satu sama lain. Sebab setiap cerita seseorang, akan ada kaitan dengan manusia lain. For instance you told me one motivating life changing stories of your friend to me,which made your friend's story into mine already, that is in Allah's tailored planned.subhanallah. 

Both of us were shocked of what we just realized. (I don't know if you can get me, but at least my friend did)

May point is, i am blessed with a great life since i was born. I took long holidays and traveled, some with families and some with friends. Alhamdulillah, after graduate, i had almost all of my salary to myself. Some people may need to use them to support their parents, siblings or their own new family and i have them all to myself. Thank you ALLAH. It is a blessing. Allah had made my dream real, through traveling, when some girls at my age didn't have the chance to. Well the world belongs to ALLAH. Thank you ALLAH for allowing me to set foot at the other side of the world and i hope there'll be more.

Everyone's story is unique and interesting, it is just whether we realize it or not. As for me, i felt that Allah gave me bonus for giving me the chance to travel. Thank you ALLAH.

i missed it again

After 3 years, i missed January! Never post anything on the month of January. Have to wait for 2014 then :)