Ujian

Lamanya tak blogging!! Post yang terbaru pun pendek je, sebenarnya masa tu tengah semangat nak update blog, tapi came across few posts while blogwalking, terus tawar hati nak cakap banyak2. Sekarang tengah belajar untuk diam dan buat kerja. Tapi hari ni nak share something that i feel that i have to :

Alhamdulillah, praise be to Allah, The Creator of me, my family, friends, colleagues, and the whole universe. Praise be upon Him, for He is the reason we are here, thus the purpose of everything is to submit to ALLAH. If someone is stalking me, knows every single bit of my life and she has to make dua to Allah, on behalf of me, 95% of the doa, would be words of gratitude. Thank you ALLAH.

Life has been smooth for me as far as i can remember. Even during my freshman year as a pharmacist, i have to admit, it was not that bad as compared to my friends. Listening to what my colleagues have gone through on and on, makes me wonder and i asked my mum ;

" Umi,we know that ALLAH tests those whom He loves and ALLAH considers HIS servants capabilities before testing them. I don't feel that i am being tested, because things has been very smooth for me as compared to my friends, i wonder why"

I guess i have been listening and reading to so many "luahan hati" sessions regarding work( mostly since it was our first year of working) at the same time listening to so many words of wisdom to motivate them such as " ALLAH loves you more that He tests you", " This is what great people has to face" etc etc etc...that somehow i envy them.

Those thoughts and feelings went on about a week, when one lovely evening after friday lunch call, at UNIKEB,  i received a phone call, ( i think it was december 2011)

" Shifaa, 22 Oktober, ada salah bagi ubat" - That is when the whole world starts spinning.....

After 2 months, a patient came back shouting angrily at the pharmacy complaining that he was dispensed with wrong medication by me. It was a serious mistake, serious enough that the patient complained to the specialist, asking the doctor to refer him to other hospital, serious enough that i pray for his health day and night.And i can't tell you more about it......

That was the worst thing that ever happened to me and i hope that is only it. I was devastated that i spent most days at work crying in the toilet, later bursting into tears all the way back home, and at home.

but i finally gained control after what my parents said to me :

abah : Shifaa, if you keep on crying, that means you are not pleased (redha) with ALLAH. A servant of ALLAH may feel sad for what happened but must accept the fact that, what happen had happened and there is nothing that you can change, so move on, and try your best not to repeat the same mistake. That is a sign of redha.

umi : Shifaa, i recalled that lately you keep on telling me that you don't feel that you are tested....be careful with what you wish for.

ASTAGHFIRULLAH.........

Forgive me ALLAH, for being so arrogant and snobbish, thinking that i am not being tested. Because ALLAH tests his servants in many different ways, and that includes, comfort, ease, wealth. The harder part is because, it is easy to forget that it's a test. ASTAGHFIRULLAH......

To whoever reading this, i am sorry if i once envied you. I had already realized few years back, after the incident; that it is such an inappropriate feeling. wallahualam.