Saturday, September 10, 2016

Old draft of Motherhood, Publish je lah

Date : 17 January 2016
Time: 10.23 am

Time left: 30 minutes of when 'umayr wakes up

Husband is out for a meeting - cook - checked - shower -checked - at 11 - mama is coming - open the shop - must write - about - motherhood - fast . thankful - internet connection- husband's desktop not slow -

Alhamdulillah.alhamdulillah.alhamdulillah

One word to describe motherhood ~~~ roller coaster ride! (this is exactly how i felt just after i gave birth to 'Umayr, the Muslim Hero <3 p="">
Today, is already 6 months 2 days.

I remembered talking to my dear M about wanting to write about the whole new overwhelming feeling of being a mother, She said please do it as i already forgot how it feels like. I was shocked at first but today i realised she is correct. So must write down quickly, so at least something is written.

During the c-sect procedure, i was aware but too scared to think about what is going on, so i closed my eyes and prayed. Pray to ALLAH so that Umayr is safe and healthy.

and alhamdulillah. thank you ALLAH.

The night that Umayr was born, Umi helped me in the ward, so it was okay. Unfortunately the hospital only allowed her to be there only for the first night and not to be there even during the day.

So i was left alone with my baby (we haven't name him until 1 week), the new life, small, helpless, fragile sleeping beside me.

Oh first of all, just to remind you that i am such a careless and disorganized lady, i don't have everything planned perfectly, when i travel, i pack light and fast - so that describes my character.

and breastfeeding - it is not easy!!!! i had difficulties in positioning myself and Umayr, also in latching. I remembered in one of the whatsapp conversation when my friend E telling us how difficult it was to latch, i really can't imagine.

I was uncomfortable, clueless yet i felt a huge surge of responsiblity upon me. Of course, Umayr cried most of the time and i panic. Hearing the cry make s me want to cry too, because Umayr was so helpless. It was his first day in this dunya, of course evrything is new to him. I wanted to make him feel secure, and comfortable but at the same time everything is new to me too!At that time my whole perspective..............



ok continue later

Being A Mom

Azam baru saya ialah untuk banyak membaca dan menulis.

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OK i want to write about being a mother. I draft a lot of blog posts in my mind on my way to work end up being blank when i FINALLY get some time to blog. Umayr is sleeping soundly after such a long day with abi at the shop (and me at my own shop focusing, only to find out something that really shocked me - but i ll write about it one day)

When i was single, and childless --appropriate word is it?, i always observe my friends, relatives and random parents out there handling their bundle of joy. There are some occasion whereby i felt ' ok, when i have my own kid, i ll do it differently'.

Little that i know that when you become a mother, it is really beyond our imagination. Salute to all parents in the world. The truth is parents shall do what they think is best for their children, and every parents is not the same. So i think it is not fair ti judge a parent for whatever they do for their kid. However, as for me i am open for suggestions and discussion from others in raising kids. Trust me, i'm okay with it.

I think my close family and friends knows me well that i don't have what people call as 'motherly touch' or whatever. Sometimes i feel that i am a man in a women's body.  Too simple!

When we have umayr', we don't shop much for his fancy clothes, toys (apart from having a very tight budget and cashflow). Most of the clothes alhamdulillah are presents from the loved ones. As fr Umayr's food, of course i hope that we can feed Umayr with the healthiest food on earth!

But, being a new mom, running a business (which insyaallah expands and bring more benefits to people) , a pharmacist, i end up feeding Umayr with healthy food insyaallah but not fancy food. As long as there is carbohydrate, protein, fibre and vitamins, it' s good enough. It could be a plain porridge with brocolli and egg. I pray to ALLAH to grant Umayr health. Ameen. At the same time i hope Umayr shall grow up healthy and be the type of person who are able to live with less. Insyallah.
Ameen.


Tuesday, October 20, 2015

raw

i just need to let it out or maybe the best word is to write it out.

FB is not relevant, Blog is ok because the one who really cares who reads this, dan customer dan staff takkan baca kot.

aku sedih. rasa lemah semangat. Pada msa yang sama aku rasa aku hebat. Macam mana tu?

Ya ALLAH semoga apa yang umayr lalui menjadi tarbiyyah yang hebat dalam membentuk peribadi muslim yang mantap.

Tadi nak edar fliers. jerebu teruk. Hukum nya harus bagi aku untuk edar . sebab sales meningkat tapi perlu meningkat dengan kadar yang lebih cepat. aku rasa bertanggungjawab terhadap pemegang saham syarikat. bukan rasa tapi memang bertanggungjawab. Of course boleh suruh staff. tapi sebagai bos aku kena guide first time. kasi diorg semangat jugak. tapi nangis dulu sorg sorg dalam bilik air bila tgk umayr. tak sanggup nak bawa dia keluar dlm keadaan jerebu teruk. walaupun dari kedai ke kereta. rasa kesian sgt. mesej dlm group shareholder dgn harapan dapat sikit acknowledgement ttg perasaan dan concern aku tapi...apa yang aku luahkan dipandang sepi. Diorg tak faham. sekurang kurangnya cakaplah aku seorang ibu yang hebat. apekah....

orang boleh kata kenap tak itu dan kenapa tak ini...aku hargai pandangan dan aku ambil serius dan jumpa jalan penyelesaian...cuma aku nak diorg cakap...shifaa mmg it is not easy to handle a new business (retail) with new baby. syukur suamiku faham. kami sama sama dlm retail yg berbeza. jadi aku pun faham apa kesukaran yg dialaminya, tapi mungkin lelaki ni cara handle lain.

aku ni, menyusu..dengan surge of prolactin dan oxytocin mneyebabkan aku sensitif kot. namgis je la jawabnya

kali ni tulis je ...x sempat nak update blog. 15 minit ni curi masa luahkan semua. tidur. esok bangun dgn harapan baru. kekuatan baru keazaman baru.

ya allah pergantunganku kepadamu semain kuat. itu satu hikmah yang aku rsa sekarang. kalau semua smooth and steady nanti bila dah berjaya aku xleh nak cerita ive gone through this.

aku byk belajar dari kesilapan satu persatu.

YA ALLAH, aku mohon kekuatan dan barokah. dan peliharalah umayr. patut menagdu dlm solat lagi afdal. tapi nak jgk tulis blog