decision

Again, it's raining and today is a holiday --> Must write before the rain ends.

A lot has been happening since my last post...A LOT....then i realized that it was only a month ago.

It was long time since i last exercise consistently, only then when i realized it was only 6 month ago.

It seems that time don't fly as fast as i thought.

Well, i don't know what does this signifies, am i enjoying every moment of my life right now?

WELL YES!!!

Maybe i just love to work out--> sungguh x best ayat ni ( like i used to have a perfect body figure)

Anyway, i find that most of my post are quite simple and some may say dull --> whatever..

All i write about are what i see on my way to work, the songs that i listen to in the car, the weather, how i hate cats, random thoughts, conversations that i hear. Once in a while i write about things that i do. Well i do feel the same way about my facebook profile ( no uploading photo or status updates showing how busy and how fun my life is)

some may sarcastically say --shifaa, get a life! --> not affected

some did say --> shifaa, you didn't socialize that much do you? --> offended, but whatever.

Maybe as years pass by, you just know what you want in life. And i find that i'm fine with simple. Simple thing makes me happy,simple people make me think and self reflect..and bla bla bla

I can say that i just love to daydream, and at the end of the day i never regret of doing that --> except when i do this during solat --> astaghfirullah al azim (satan always has it ways of straying people --> have to fight!!!)

Anyway, summarizing of A LOT of things that happening since my last post:

I came into one generalized conclusion (typical me - i always quickly jump into conclusion) -->

In life, there is no such thing as WRONG DECISION. It's actually HOW you decide, BELIEVING in what you decide, and be RESPONSIBLE of your decision.

Speechless

Phew!!!!

It has been so long since my last post, instead of writing a new entry, i keep on adding my bloglist and spending most of the time blogwalking or better say blogstalking!

One of the common topics being posted by my friends lately were related to work, since everyone has completed their so called 'housemanship' period, or the exact term is PRP ship.

Well, alhamdulillah, same thing here, now i am waiting for my placement as a pharmacist. There is no rush for me since i'm quite comfortable here, but i feel that i'm ready to be placed anywhere.

All i can say that life is an open secret (hehe it's a title of a book ), and i can never really know what will happen in the future and the exact reasons for things thats happening and will happen. Just have to live my live at the moment.

It's the 4th day of Ramadhan and i took a day off today, and decided to just post something here.

SubhanALLAH, ISLAM is beautiful religion and now we are in the beautiful month of Ramadhan. This is the month where i feel that ALL MUSLIMS are united, as we have ONE CLEAR AND SAME AIM, which is to make full use of the months.

*STOP*

As i was writing this post, i was facebooking and my brother shared a note regarding one FB group for murtads.

Well, i don't feel like writing anymore, need to do some research and think.

Struggling

Struggling with my own emotion, fighting with my own self. Often, my heart, mind go against each other. Justifying choices and decisions that i am going to make, the impact, on me and others , now or later.

Well, that' s my struggle of whether to go; or not to go to work; to take an emergency leave or not. When i had headache, tummy pain, or just a mild fever, can i just take an emergency leave? But what if the pain goes away after that? Will that sounds wrong?What about working with passion? intention? niat..as posted in one of my entries before...what a shame.

Fighting, and so far my mind wins the battle.But, it was not an easy one. So, finally i wake up, iron my clothes, grab some breakfast, greet my parents and off to work, praying to HIM to give me the passion, the focus and the sincerity.



On my way to work,

I will pass a wooden self made stall at the side road not far from my housing area.A small one but enough for people to have their quick breakfast before heading off to work. Their Nasi Lemak is the best! I remembered not too long ago, it was a smaller stall where they only sell Pisang Goreng. Their BEAUTIFUL daughter was always there to help her parents out. I figured that the daughter is younger than me, and probably girls at her age should now be in college enjoying their varsity life. Well, maybe that is their struggle, working everyday, fighting with the economy, working out for more income, so that one day, the BEAUTIFUL young lady can be together with her friends studying.

Oftentimes, i see a middle aged man cycling at the main road. He works as a lawn mower at houses and schools near my residency. Sometimes, when the weather was unfriendly, i saw him cycling hard and fast so that he will reach his work place before rain starts pouring down. The wrinkles on his face, the look from his eyes, the sweats from his forehead, i see responsibility, hope, determination, focus and strength. Struggling everyday to feed hungry mouth at home.

As i reach my workplace which is a hospital, walking towards the punch card machine, i have to go to the lobby; there, i will see family members, waiting at the entrance, persuading the security guard to allow them to see their loved ones in the ward. Also, i see old couples, with their bag of medicines, having breakfast at the cafeteria. They came early to the hospital for their doctor's appointment. At the emergency department, i see ill people, very ill people waiting for their turn to be attended by the hospital staff. Well, that is their struggle. Struggling not to get sick, struggling to stay healthy, struggling for their loved ones. STRUGGLING...

Can i compare them with my struggle?

Justifying my weekends

Phew, susah betul nak update blog, I am so stressed with my laptop, so slow, it takes hours even for one letter to appear…cis! My ram is like 200+ MB, memang sikit kan? Or is it me who don't know how to take care of this expensive 'black book'…hmm

Anyway, half of the semester has already passed, let me just brief what I did during the weekends.

I registered 1 week late, so I had like extra 7 days of holidays! Yay! So, I did not go back during my first weekend. I can't really recall what I did during that weekend, but I think I spend most of the time practicing my vocals at Xanax with Ray and Fizah. And yeah, we went to somewhere near Gunung Tapis. We had hard time reaching the destination. Huh!

The second week, I joined Mount Buah Expedition with GG and Mida. Spent 2 nights at Mida's brother's house. Really had a great time. Oh, went to PC fair and bought and external hard disk…ahah!

What I did for my third week eh? Barely nothing…went to Xanax again with Tas, testing our vocals. And we went to Fun Fair..haha! Wait a sec, I think that is during the fourth week. I really can't recall what I did for my third week…erk.

After 1 month, the fifth week I went back home, skip class on Monday. It was a bliss! Then, Monday night head off to Terengganu…hmm, stayed until Wednesday. So I had like extra 3 days of 'holidays'. So that weekend I stay back at Kuantan. Preparing for the exam…prepare ke? Haha

That bring us to the seventh week, and of course I stayed back since we had exam during the weekends.

The eighth week, I went back to my hometown in Terengganu, to spend some time there. After 4 years of studying here, I've always been reluctant to go back to my hometown, sedangkan dekat…Now, I am so regretful!! I suck at keeping in touch, and making an effort for sillaturrahim…damn!

So, total up -

I spent 3 weekends in Kuantan

I spent 1 weekend on top of mountain

I spent 12 days = 4 weekends with my family

Just justifying my priority…

(Apparently this is supposed to be a post before raya, adey dah terlambat almost 1 month)

    

Craps

It's either I have so many stories to share or I have nothing to share here.


Anyway, here are some thoughts and points to ponder, also some craps for you to bare with:


1.Just to share thoughts form others, hmm..


"apa gunanya saya memperluaskan kenalan wanita/lelaki saya tanpa kepentingan sedangkan saya hanya milik bakal isteri/suami saya seorang"


2.I' m not into cats, but my siblings are TRUE CAT LOVERS and there are 5 of them:

• Black old female cat – 'Mak die'
• Black and White male cat - 'Abang die' – anak 'Mak die' dengan suami pertama
• Black female cat (still teenager) – Oprah
• Black female cat with white dots near the nose(same age as Oprah) – Cindy Crawford
• Black small kitten ( same age as Oprah and Cindy) – Sindrome

3.It's Ramadhan, and it's great to actually having the 1st breakfast at home.

Our first Ramadhan menu: Roti John (Org Kg Sg Tangkas), Mini Murtabak (Org Kg Sg Tangkas), Bubur Jagung, Fruit Cocktail, Sarsi, and Mexican Bun. – Simple, not heavy,and not so different from my daily Ramadhan menu in Kuantan, BUT, it's great when you are having them with all your family members.2nd Ramadhan menu – will be at Cik Pah's house.


I like my sahur menu at home – again when you are having them at home and 'sambil-sambil tengok tv – NUR KASIH'

• 1st sahur – Nasi and kuah Rawan…yummm
• 2nd sahur – Nasi and Ayam Masak Merah yang sangat sedap

My Terawih at Masjid UKM – Ok, the surah x panjang sangat and SANGAT ramai orang, me and my sis keep on changing the saff to ensure that people next to us is not the same person – H1N1 precaution…cam ngarut jek!


Hope this Ramadhan is going to be A TOTAL TURNING POINT and a platform for me to find answers in all my 'PERSOALAN HIDUP' and 'SOALAN MID SEM'.


This may be my last Ramadhan as a student, and I shall cherish all the moment of hardship, sahur and break-fast and many other things because if there is another Ramadhan for me, it would not be the same.. *sigh*

posted monologue

I hope and deeply wish that my final year in Kulliyyah Of Pharmacy is going to be a BLAST and MEMORABLE one which is going to end up as a PERFECT ENDING, not just for me, but to every single breathing soul in the 5th batch.

We had 3 years and in fact some of us may even have 5 years of knowing each other. We may have a lot of bitter memories in the past 3 years but I do hope that the PERFECT FINAL YEAR shall rub off the sour memory. Maybe in future, we will be laughing as we look back on how we reacted and responded.

This high expectation apart from my 1 week late of registering for the new semester just give the creeps and adrenaline rush as i feel left out. Sometimes, I have doubts upon my batch, and right now, I don’t feel like going back to Kuantan at all. I have the feeling that something is going wrong or is going to be not right. I don’t know, we may look alike, and have the same color of skin and hair, but we never know what lies within, and what do others think and feel about you.

I have been trying to be positive, but the negative thoughts have been running around in my brain. If you think that it’s about academic, you are off beam.What is wrong with me??I hate being so conscious in this case...

Why do I blog?

Well, currently studying clinical pharmacy, but as usual, i'm distracted with the high speed internet right now, and unfortunately, i'm stuck reading people's blog.

I have been thinking, why do actually people blog? But i don't have the time to do some research, so here is the inconcrete reason i have figured out :-

1. If you are not careful enough, you can be arrested in ISA! - that shows the impact of blog

2. Most reporters have their own blog - they can express more freely, no edit-edit, it's all in their control (BUT, with etiqques of course!)

3. People do blog, to gain money! That's creative...

4. Our leaders have their own blog. Check out che det's - this is where they spill out and share their brains, thinkings, view, comments with normal people like us!

5. Some people do it for dakwah - From the ustaz....to the students - make sure jage niat tu!

6. Some to share info and as an effort to unite people -- check out MyPSA blogspot

7. Some just love to write - they will write poems, stories, riddles, and other creative entries

8. Some people blogs on what they do, their activities...this is good actually, we'll learn to appreciate every single moment of our life ---> more as a memoir... people will know their recent updates...

9. Some average people (as in not a public figure) just want to express their thoughts, ideas, emotion, disagreement, point of view, interest and many more

10. Some just love to write on comtroversial issue....

AND MANY MORE REASON, which, i don't feel like including....10 is enough already..

CONCLUSION / MY POINT IS --->
some of us may not agree with the reasons of blogging.
Some expression such as ' come on, your blog bores me, it's not fun at all' , or ' omg, he actually tells every single thing about his life,puh-leaaase', ' what's the point of posting such entries!' , ....

That shows, that every people has their own purpose and reason for blogging and we have to RESPECT that! There is no one definite purpose of blogging...Different reason for different people...

p/s : As for me, i seldom update.Previously, in my friendster blog, the posts are mostly on what i do, or what happen to me...usually i post what i feel like writing (or typing)..

This semester, many things happen that make me do a lot of thinking; which makes me feel like posting more on what i think rather than what i do.... *long sigh* ... (padahal baru 4 post je...hahahahaha)