Struggling

Struggling with my own emotion, fighting with my own self. Often, my heart, mind go against each other. Justifying choices and decisions that i am going to make, the impact, on me and others , now or later.

Well, that' s my struggle of whether to go; or not to go to work; to take an emergency leave or not. When i had headache, tummy pain, or just a mild fever, can i just take an emergency leave? But what if the pain goes away after that? Will that sounds wrong?What about working with passion? intention? niat..as posted in one of my entries before...what a shame.

Fighting, and so far my mind wins the battle.But, it was not an easy one. So, finally i wake up, iron my clothes, grab some breakfast, greet my parents and off to work, praying to HIM to give me the passion, the focus and the sincerity.



On my way to work,

I will pass a wooden self made stall at the side road not far from my housing area.A small one but enough for people to have their quick breakfast before heading off to work. Their Nasi Lemak is the best! I remembered not too long ago, it was a smaller stall where they only sell Pisang Goreng. Their BEAUTIFUL daughter was always there to help her parents out. I figured that the daughter is younger than me, and probably girls at her age should now be in college enjoying their varsity life. Well, maybe that is their struggle, working everyday, fighting with the economy, working out for more income, so that one day, the BEAUTIFUL young lady can be together with her friends studying.

Oftentimes, i see a middle aged man cycling at the main road. He works as a lawn mower at houses and schools near my residency. Sometimes, when the weather was unfriendly, i saw him cycling hard and fast so that he will reach his work place before rain starts pouring down. The wrinkles on his face, the look from his eyes, the sweats from his forehead, i see responsibility, hope, determination, focus and strength. Struggling everyday to feed hungry mouth at home.

As i reach my workplace which is a hospital, walking towards the punch card machine, i have to go to the lobby; there, i will see family members, waiting at the entrance, persuading the security guard to allow them to see their loved ones in the ward. Also, i see old couples, with their bag of medicines, having breakfast at the cafeteria. They came early to the hospital for their doctor's appointment. At the emergency department, i see ill people, very ill people waiting for their turn to be attended by the hospital staff. Well, that is their struggle. Struggling not to get sick, struggling to stay healthy, struggling for their loved ones. STRUGGLING...

Can i compare them with my struggle?

Si Tanggang

Si Tanggang is a a very famous Malaysian's Traditional Children's Folk Tales. It's a story of an obedient and innocent young man who lived in a poverty stricken village with his parents. One day, he decided to sail away to other parts of the the world to make changes in their life. He waved goodbye to his parents and promised them that one day he will return with success.He began his journey to the outer world, in searching for wealth. Finally, he got married to the daughter of a very rich ship captain. Years passed by and he actually forgot that he had once promised to return home to his parents. One day, he and the ship crew was forced to stopped by near a village (which actually was his village) due to the unpromising weather. Sadly, Si Tanggang was embarrassed with his parents and refused to acknowledge them because of their haggard appearance. Causing such a heartache to them, the mother cried out and suddenly Si Tanggang was turned into stone.

That's a short review of Si Tanggang.

In fact today, there are many films, dramas, short stories about a child being ignorant and disloyal to the parents. Most of us shall respond similarly to those stories, we shall loathe the child and pity the parents. Moreover, working in the hospitals allow me to see examples of dutiful and bad child.

But, if we think back, have we ever wonder that maybe some of the 'turned out to be a bad child' don't realize they are not being the best to their parents? In fact, some of them may thought that they are actually doing the right thing for the parents. Lets just ponder...

* * *

As for us, we grow more matured as time passes by ( at least we thought that we are more mature) , after graduating, finally settling down with quite stable career. The best thing is that, we start to have our own money, we feel that we are in control of everything become less dependent than before. Confidence starts to arise and in fact we are now ready to voice out our mind. Somehow, we start to have our own style of thinking, our own life plan with our own reasons and perceptions; which may not always go parallel with our folks'.

On the other hand, our parents also are getting older and older, and of course usually they always think that they know more about life than the children based on their life experience, which is quite true. Moreover, as they get older, they tend to be more sensitive and fragile.

That is when disagreement might takes place, and subtly it will affect the emotion, perceptions and if we are not careful enough, we may without realizing had cause a slight cut and hurt their feelings.

Thus, i shall say that it is not easy to be a praiseworthy (soleh/solehah) child, as we never know how would we react in desperate circumstances. Change is a constant matter in human life, so we change, they change, the environment change.

I don't dare to say that there is nothing we can do about it, but at least,we have to bare in mind of the facts and the reality and be aware of the unwanted probabilities.

We are not perfect, in fact, nobody is perfect even the elderly, thus we have to be really smart and careful in dealing with difficult situation, but i shall say that it is not easy without the help of ALLAH The Almighty, and Most Loving. Let's pray to HIM to protect us and help us to become a good child to our parents, a good sister, a good brother, a good neighbour, wife, parents, husband --> being the best in every role that we play, or will play and the most important role of all ; being HIS servant. InsyaALLAH.